I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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