Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he thought i was a dude.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
