already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
