Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
