Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
