Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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