And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
