Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
