watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
