I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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