i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
