She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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