i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
