Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drake has all the answers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
