I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
