when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want to make out with him forever
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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