The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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