Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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