I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
