When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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