Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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