I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
