whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Barsexuality is the new black.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
