Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
