Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
