yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
