Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
