y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
