I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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