I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
