My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
