Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
