So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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