this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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