Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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