Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
