I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
