ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
