it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
