i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
