I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
