i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
