Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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