just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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