He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
