my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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