At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
