Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
