I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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