I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
